Yesterday, I would say, was one of the worst days ever, in my life. Sad and scary, but my cat is ok, my car is okay, I'm probably ok. In the morning, my Mom called me to tell me my grandpa was in the hospital. He was 93 years old. The last time I saw him was in September and he seemed to be a frail, grumpy old man. But sweet. I saw him smile when he recognized me. When my mom called, he had had a collapse and a surgery. He was unresponsive, didn't talk, didn't open his eyes, didn't squeeze anybody's hand.
I started to cry and I could not tell my Mom what was on my mind - the fact that I had an appointment to check out a lump in my breast. I found it last weekend. Thank God I have health insurance. I got an appointment 2 days later - yay for Kaiser. My doctor thinks it's a cyst caused by hormonal changes, and she gave me the option of waiting for a couple of cycles, or of having a mammogram and making an appointment with a specialist. I didn't want to wait, so I had my first mammogram (what fun) and now I'm waiting to hear from the radiologist.
When I got home, my Mom called again. My grandpa had passed away. Very sad. But at least I was already prepared. I am my grandparent's oldest grandchild, and we were close. I am grateful for all my happy childhood memories, grateful for the fact that he didn't suffer from illness but died of old age, grateful that my Dad, aunts and uncle were taking care of him and grandma rather than a nursing home. I feel shell shocked but there is nothing I can do.
Since my family is in Germany, I have to decide if I need to get on a plane for 11 hours, go to a funeral and get back on a plane, all for about a grand. I don't think I will go. I think it's best to save my money and go visit the living.
Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.
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10 comments:
Sounds like you could use a hug, and maybe some chocolate and a nap.
Hugs to you! Keep on keeping on; those smiles come easier after a while. ;)
Condolences on your grandfathers death. It's good to reach a ripe old age, most of it spent well, happy and loved.
Take care of yourself. I'm sure it is just a cyst. I get them too.
Try not to worry. Go fing yourself a hug !
xxx
Sending you hugs, love, positive vibes/thoughts/prayers and smiles from up North!
Sorry about your grandfather. And here's hoping the lump is just a cyst! I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Sorry about your grandfather. I couldn't get an affordable flight to my grandfather's funeral either.
As for the lump, I had a couple of cysts back in my 20s. They're no big deal if they don't get infected. If the cyst is big or badly placed, make sure you get a plastic surgeon to do the removal. A good plastic surgeon can leave you with no visible scar.
I'm sorry for the loss of your opa. Best of luck with that boob.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about both things. Many hugs and warm thoughts to you and your family.
I am so sorry about your grandpa...I was close to my grandpa too, though I was actually the second youngest of 13 grandkids...I have faith that the lump is just a cyst...Good luck!
Oh, honey, hang in there, okay? Thinking about you.
What a day, and I know that the out come on the tests are okay. But still it's a day that not a soul needs to deal with. Your grandpa will agree, go visit the living and say good bye to him in your own way. I just know he will understand.
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